Date:	2003-07-14 13:53
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

It's the 14th of July in France- which means party day!

No matter how hard the work and whatnot is, I find that I love Paris. It's like no other place, really. :) I spent this weekend doing a lot of work and getting all that work done makes me feel good about myself. I'm not the most efficient worker yet, I admit, but I can get there at some point. Nevertheless, I still have to write a five page paper today if I plan to go out and enjoy the fireworks and whatnot, so I'm going to get going.

I miss my family though.

Date:	2003-06-23 03:26
Subject:	From Paris comes a dose of reality
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

Once again, at 3:25AM I am in the library, but this time in Paris. I found out my grades for Spring Quarter in Chicago. They were a lot worse than I had expected. 3 B's and one B+. I was actually quite convinced that I would have 2A's, 1 B+, and 1 B, but I guess things don't always work out the way that I want them to. I haven't been able to enjoy Paris fully after finding out my grades. I've been angry at myself, but now that anger has subsided into disappointment and I am now resigned to the fact that I didn't make the Dean's List for this academic year and that my GPA is only a 3.18.

With the resignation comes a strange yet powerful hope, because hope is a funny thing- it grows in strength with the worsening of a situation as long as you can believe in it. I am here, in Paris, taking two courses for three credits, and if I try, I can do well. I don't have to miss out on Paris, but I have to be smart about it. There are so many things that I can do while in Paris, it would be a waste of money not to take advantage of them. I might as well have stayed in Chicago and studied.

I haven't gone out and enjoyed much of Paris other than the trips that are provided, and I'm afraid that may have to be the case this summer, but it's not so bad, really. I take a walk in the park everyday, I once again know what it feels like to be hungry and thus appreciate a good meal, and now, I'm learning to stay off the computer more because the electricity in my room doesn't work.

I'm the last one in the library here again. This has been the 3rd day that this has happened. I hope that the extra work I'm putting in will result in better grades... but

To those who believed in me- I'm sorry that I've let you down so much. To tell you the truth, the faith you put in me is strength, yet also a burden. I often bemoan having a standard to live up to, but then again, is that not infinitely better than having nobody expect anything of me? No matter what anybody says, I no longer am able to believe that I am somebody truly extraordinary. I've worked harder in this past year in Chicago than I ever have and I know that what I can do is limited. I know that upon seeing you, I'll see the years and years of disappointment lined in your face and that somewhere deep inside those eyes I'll see tears that have been hidden.

But I also know it's not all about me. There are greater forces at work in this world than my own, and I leave myself to His power and glory. I am nothing but an ordinary boy, perhaps sub-par, perhaps a bit better. No matter what the case, it can't be changed that I can't do anything without being a good person, strong in faith, because bad soil will lead only to a bad crop. There are so many people God has sent to aid me gain firm roots and I believe my roots are in something good.

Hope is still a defining part of my being. I can never look to despair for too long because I know that there is much more in store. The past is the past, and I have to look to the present to build a better future. Hallmark as it is, I think that people overlook the truth that is present in those often too cute cards. I believe in ideals and I believe in working for them, and I believe in not giving up.

I don't believe I am there just yet, but I believe that I am on the right track, and what else is there to do but keep on marching? I'm going to enjoy Paris, despite all that happened in Chicago, and I'm going to do well in Paris because I can and I will.

And this is hope. And this is strength. And this is my life. Carpe diem.

Date:	2003-06-06 03:24
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	"In-Yun" -NohEul

It's really hard for me to believe this at the moment, but it's such a blessing that I can be here, in this library, at 3:25AM and be studying. So many people in the world want this and I have it. In a way I'm really ungrateful for not being thankful about it. Besides, this is my ONLY final this time around- I have 3 papers instead. So while other people will be pulling massive all-nighters, I only have this one. This is my college experience.

Speaking of experience, I'm going to my first concert tomorrow! Jack Johnson + Ben Harper at the UiC Pavillion. I am so excited.

C'mon Alex- let's finish strong! Fighting!

Date:	2003-05-31 00:34
Subject:	Thank You
Security:	Public
Mood:	thankful

So I was sick for the last few days. Cold sweat, sore throat, massive headache, dizziness, inability to keep eyes open for more than a few moments. Nevertheless, I got through all my classes. If I can get through that, I should be able to brave the storm of finals coming up. Just gotta get healthy for it. And my French teacher said today that my writing is much better than anyone else's in the class. Je suis fier. ^__^

And true friends come through when you're sick. Actually, it's usually girls with their maternal instinct but there have been exceptions. :)

Thank you Jayne for the constant check ups.
Thank you Zhihui for tongiht's dinner.
Thank you Sujing for wishing me better health.
Thank you Sushu for scanning the pic and coming up and whatnot.
Thank you Brian for just asking.
Thank you Vincent for proposing the movie.
Thank you Singapaul for checking up on me.
Thank you Ekan and Ling-ling for the fun time on Thursday night.

Thank you God for those who care for me and for looking out for me always, even when I'm not aware of it.

Date:	2003-05-28 21:21
Subject:	Entry #1: Hands
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	The Happy Birthday Song

I need to get this entry in before the end of the day. This journal is dedicated to my mother. It’s her birthday today. Happy Birthday Umma! I love you!

Now that I’m in college, the lessons that I learned in my youth are put to test and the ones that will truly become a part of me are the ones that I hold dear to my heart. Umma always told me to be positive, that every cloud has a silver lining. Each entry in this journal will deal with something happy, positive, hopeful, or strengthening that has happened or is happening in my life. Now for my first entry I choose to write about a memory that is not too far in the past…

Two days ago, on Monday, May 26, 2003, Umma, Kevin (my brother), and I were walking through the crowded Memorial Day mall. We passed a stand that was selling handcare products. They took my mom’s hand. “When I was young,” Umma often told me, “everybody would tell me that my hands were beautiful. Look at them now- so worn out.” Umma showed us what the men had done; they had polished a nail until all its scrapes were gone and it glistened as a nail that had never been used. Kevin thought this was beautiful, but I didn't think so. Each wrinkle, each scar, each little fleck of dirt was more beautiful because each told the story of how her hands were hands that had accomplished things of significance- her art, her gardening, though unnoticed by some, were all significant because she did what she could and then some more. Her hands showed fulfillment. My hands are still round with baby fat and the skin is smooth and the nails are shiny. There is only one scar, and that one is from a paper cut, not from my own work. My right hand has the beginning of something I want- blisters from long hours spent playing tennis. I only hope that one day my hands were be as worn out and as beautiful, if not more worn, than my mom's. Because these are my hands, they are my own, and it is up to me to use them.

-Alex Cho